I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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