oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
