i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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