You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
