She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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