Only a mothe r could love this liver
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
