Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
