it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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