He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
