yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
is wine microwaveable?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
