i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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