Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
