This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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