you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
