life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
