Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
