i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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