is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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