I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
