I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
