at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
