you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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