dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
