just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No subtext here. People are naked.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
