bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
