I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
