Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
