There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
