To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
