thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
