I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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