Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
