Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
