I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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