I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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