just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
