Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
