All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
