you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
