So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
