Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
