Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
God, I missed his penis.
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