I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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