i think my mom watched the whole time
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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