That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
