if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
