So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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