Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
