found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
