He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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