Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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