I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
