yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
