We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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