so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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