did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
