Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
