I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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